When I was small my dad used to tell me he thought maybe I had ADD. I just assumed he was crazy.
Not many other kids my age were sitting for hours with their nose in a book, or working obsessively with Plasticine to create perfect sculptures. Not that I had any idea what kids my age were doing, being homeschooled and all. But my mom gave the impression that she considered the notion outrageous, so I assumed he was crazy. Moms are always right, right?
Who knows.
possible symptoms:
NEVER finishing ANYTHING in high school, even failing one full term of my favorite subject because I was bored by the content. (this despite my straight As in elementary school, and my steady B+ average for the middle school grades)
Failing to master simple daily rituals like brushing my hair, flossing, shaving my legs, painting my nails. Attempts at regularly styling my hair and/or doing makeup fail so quickly they might as well not exist.
Failing courses in university whenever there was anything of interest happening in my life, and sometimes even when there wasn't, due to poor follow-through.
Failing to kick my skin-picking habit despite numerous attempts.
Frequent bouts of depression, often random, but generally tied to my deep-seeded feelings of failure, and frequently in corrolation with piles of procrastinated responsibilities.
A long, sad history of losing everything I touch, including some very important things, and especially my keys and cell phone.
Being known as the person who will ALWAYS leave something behind, no matter where I go.
Frequently late, historically unable to accurately allot time for necessary tasks.
Extreme distractability, highly likely to make mistakes when attempting to accomplish familiar tasks with others present. IE: cooking, driving. Often even if the others aren't doing anything to distract me.
Generally unable to finish or stick-to projects, especially once I get behind.
Chronic procrastinator.
I frequently hyper-focus. I remember cleaning the stove with a toothpick in the middle of a disastrous kitchen, or scrubbing the railings in my room till they shone, while the stuff piled up on the floor.
I get panicked/disoriented extremely easily when my train of thought is interrupted, especially if I have a time-limit or obligation, or more than three things on my mind.
Time-limits stress me out.
Multi-tasking stresses me out.
Others' dependence upon me stresses me out.
When I'm stressed out I forget how to speak. Literally. I can't get words out. (that may not always be a bad thing....)
I have very poor reaction time, something will happen or someone will speak and it often processes a few seconds too late.
I find it almost impossible to focus on just one thing, so in classes I always ended up playing solitaire on my computer (strangely, not something that influenced my class failures)
Some of these seem oddly conflicting, I don't know if I'm the crazy one, or if my dad had something figured out... either way, I'm hoping to improve. This blog may help me, or it may be one of those projects I begin that becomes nothing more than good intentions. Who knows. Either way, I'm going to try to outline my days here, giving some notes on my successes and my failures. Hopefully I'll begin to work out some helpful methods for actually getting my life on track. God knows I need them.
