37

We never know, moment by moment, where we will be. Year by year is even more of a mystery. 

Thirty-Seven years old. Will this year mirror the joys/changes/pressures revealed by Thirty-six? It was an admittedly much more poetic age, the second digit doubling the first... all swirls and curves... 36... 

Now 37. starts off rounded but quickly comes to a point. Almost jagged, that 7. Prime. The number of perfection... that phrase always twists at the cracks in my heart, now. 

But I'm not dwelling on grief, I'm exploring my new age. 

37. I'm up to date on my homework, completing my BA with a major in psychology. I dropped the English extended minor. When I reapplied to UFV in the summer I found that they had changed the structure of my program. It took some discussion, but I was given permission to be "grandfathered" in by the dean (that made me feel old) blessed to pursue my degree under the old structure.

I like feeling old. It's powerful.

I'm working as a youth support worker. Another blessing; I often have some free time at my job and it's perfectly acceptable to do homework. And, it's still easier than being at home. Sweeping someone else's floor is always more rewarding, for some reason.

My kids are doing well in their school routines. Sometimes it hurts my heart, but I'm still mom, whether I'm with them 24/7 or 7/24 most days.

A couple of incredibly dear friends have had brand new babies, and that always renews my excitement for the world. Life through new eyes...

The people I love most in my life are steadily becoming closer and more indispensable to me, no matter how I may fight within myself to remain independent and nonchalant. Connection... I'm so blessed.

And I'm the mother of a teen. She who made me mom just before 24. She is becoming so completely herself. I'm blessed to be a witness/guide as she truly blossoms.

37. Thirty-Seven. It's prettier written, but whichever way you put it, it's my new reality. A friend gave me a beautiful glass tree of courage, she says I've been so brave this year. Taken on so much. 

I think also, I've let go of so much.

Goodbye, 36. Your lessons will not fail me. through you, God brought me joys I couldn't have imagined, connections I treasure, and tasks that give me purpose. 

I step into 37 determined to become a grownup with a career. I'm on the road to 40. 

It's a steep climb, but I'm not looking back.